Category: Authentic Leadership

What we can learn from changing the status quo

I’ve really enjoyed this series on mentorship. You might have noticed that in general, I prefer serial writing. It’s because while I love sharing my thoughts and insights, the exercise also gives me some clarity and room to deepen the discussion. One thing that’s become clear to me in the ongoing discussion about mentorship is that regardless of which role you assume, it’s fundamentally about learning. Mentors learn more about their past experiences when they impart the wisdom they’ve gathered over the years. Mentees learn how they can grow and improve in the most well-directed ways.

It led me to the question: When do we stop trying to grow and improve like a mentee? Your answer should be “never.” Yet, when we think about mentorship, it feels natural that we age out of the mentee mindset, that after an arbitrary level of experience, or an even more arbitrarily decided age, we transition from mentee to mentor full time.

While I fully support anyone assuming the role of mentor, we shouldn’t let inauthentic qualifiers like age or experience exclude us from learning and growing like a mentee. I was reading a piece by Marcel Schwantes about 6 Traits Smart People Have in Common when his advice on reverse mentors crystallized this notion for me.

The reality is, the world is changing faster now than ever before. Trends change weekly, the conversations we’re having change daily, and the skills and expertise we need to succeed are constantly evolving with the pace of technology and innovation. Fooling yourself into thinking that you can keep up with all of this on your own is a mark of ego.

Yet, there’s a generation who have grown up with this pace of change, who can transition their skills seamlessly with technology, and who speak the language of change better than more experienced generations can. It’s here that embracing a reverse mentor can make a big difference for you.

Navigating the unfamiliar dynamics of the reverse mentor relationship is certainly a challenge, but learning from a “Millennial” is in your best interest. Let’s talk about what the best reverse mentor relationships have in common.

In this context, you’re peers. The expectation of mutual respect should sustain no matter what, but approaching reverse mentorship wearing your “boss” hat is a mistake. Be humble and approach the relationship as a peer. You shouldn’t fear that it will detract from your role as a leader. Rather, seeking a reverse mentor will signal to your team how much you value learning and will set a great example. Additionally, if you do some pre-planning, you can confirm with your reverse mentor the exact dynamics of the relationship and keep your leadership intact while creating a healthy space for learning.

Accept that you don’t know what you don’t know. We stay as updated as we can, but if we think we know everything, what’s the point? It’s very likely that there are developments and technologies that we don’t even know we need to be aware of. A major part of what we can learn from a reverse mentor is emerging trends and how to track them. It’s critical that as leaders we remain aware, relevant and in tune to trends as they are emerging. A reverse mentor can position you for accelerated success when it comes to leveraging new technology, important demographic and market shifts and generational differences.

Understand it’s more than mechanical. Sure, there’s a lot to be gained from becoming more technologically savvy, but as millennials gain buying power and influence in the market, plugging into a more youthful perspective is important. Your worldview is likely very different than a Millennial’s, and appealing only to those people with a similar mindset to yours is a losing proposition. Gleaning a youthful perspective and opening yourself up to a dramatically different worldview will help you think about problems more effectively and devise more pointed solutions.

Mentorship has resulted in some of the most meaningful and impactful relationships in my life. I speak from experience when I say it’s a truly rewarding endeavor, but only with the right approach. I hope this discussion of reverse mentorship helps you abandon your misconceptions of what mentorship can be and how it has to look. We should always work to avoid limiting our learning opportunities. On that note, if you haven’t already, check out some of the mentors who shaped my life and career: https://www.coreykupfer.com/resources/

Corey Kupfer is an expert strategist, negotiator and dealmaker. He has more than 35 years of professional deal-making and negotiating experience. Corey is a successful entrepreneur, attorney, consultant, author and professional speaker who is passionate about deal-driven growth. He is also the creator and host of the DealQuest Podcast.

If you want to find out how deal-ready you are, take the Deal- Ready Assessment today!

You get out what you put in

As discussed last week, a mentor with the right approach is necessary for constructive and productive mentorship. Yet, even more responsibility falls on the mentee. The fact is, many mentees approach mentorship for the wrong reasons. Their motivations are often selfish and inauthentic. To many mentees, mentorship is just about playing the game and climbing the ladder.

I will tell you right now, anyone who approaches the relationship with that motivation and that inauthentic attitude won’t just fail at being a mentee but will struggle to truly succeed in their life. The goal should always be personal improvement, learning, and a genuine desire to become the best worker and person possible. That’s a context which can make mentorship a transformative exercise and lead to true success.

Aside from entering the relationship with the right context, what else can mentees do to get the most of their time with a mentor?

Fully commit to the relationship. Even with the best intentions, if you’re not all-in as a mentee, you’re not going to get out of the relationship everything you might expect. It can’t be a matter of convenience for you. If your mentor gives you an assignment or challenge, don’t put it on your backburner. Make it a priority. There’s a reason they’ve asked you to do it, and if you only accept the work you’re comfortable with, growth will remain unattainable.

Be authentic. Don’t be who you think your mentor wants you to be or who you think you need to be. Be who you are and approach the relationship with complete honesty. If you’re not your true self, how can you expect your mentor to give advice that can really have an impact? It’s only when you show your mentor who you truly are that they can help you become the person you want to be.

Have clarity. It’s not the responsibility of your mentor to define what you want to gain from their mentorship. Before you enter into the relationship as a mentee, it’s imperative that you get clear on exactly how you want to develop personally and professionally. Showing up under the delusion that you’re a blank slate is totally unproductive. Audit yourself. Creating a detailed inventory of your strengths and weaknesses, situations that have caused you problems in the past, areas in which you excel. Starting off the relationship with this kind of information to build upon will make your mentor’s advice more poignant and effective. It sets you both up for success.

Give first. What have you done to prove to your mentor that you’re worth their time and attention? Simply asking someone to be your mentor isn’t enough, and it’s never how the best mentorships start. Do work that your mentor values and needs, and do it well. Giving your best effort and working hard to earn their respect is the best way to endear yourself to a potential mentor and lay the groundwork for a rewarding relationship. Ultimately, they are staking their reputation on mentoring you, because at some point in the relationship, they will be asked to sponsor you. Before you reach anything close to that point, your mentor needs to be well assured that you will represent them well.

Check your ego. Bringing your ego into mentorship is a guaranteed failure. Growth is wrought with challenges and failures. If your ego is engaged, you’re sure to be defeated by the bumps and valleys on your journey. If, however, you’re able to check your ego and approach mentorship with humility, from a context of learning, everything becomes an opportunity for development, rather than scarcity viewed through scarcity lenses like failure or setback. A primary function of your mentor will be to offer criticism and feedback, especially during the most critical and challenging times. To receive their feedback properly and apply it to your life and work in the most positive ways, your ego needs to be fully disengaged.

Mentorship has resulted in some of the most meaningful and impactful relationships in my life. I speak from experience when I say it’s a truly rewarding endeavor, but only with the right approach. Now that we’ve discussed the best of both roles—mentor and mentee—I’d love to dive into a concept I read about recently, the Reverse Mentor. In the meantime, check out some of the mentors who shaped my life and career: https://www.coreykupfer.com/resources/

Corey Kupfer is an expert strategist, negotiator and dealmaker. He has more than 35 years of professional deal-making and negotiating experience. Corey is a successful entrepreneur, attorney, consultant, author and professional speaker who is passionate about deal-driven growth. He is also the creator and host of the DealQuest Podcast.

If you want to find out how deal-ready you are, take the Deal- Ready Assessment today!

A mentor is more than just a font of wisdom.

My first and greatest mentor was my father. His wisdom is something I carry with me always. “Make yourself as indispensable as possible to your boss, but remember nobody is indispensable,” is career advice he gave me that I will never forget. “Every morning when I think about life with your mother or without your mother, I choose your mother,” he told me of marriage. And on his deathbed, he said to me, “I traveled to 25 countries, have a great family and have done the things I wanted to do. I have no regrets. When you are in my situation, you don’t want to have any regrets,” which was when I realized that he’d won the game of life, and when I learned for certain how I wanted to live.

I’m grateful for the time I got to spend with my father and the relationship he and I shared. I know not all sons are so fortunate. The mentorship I received from my father taught me not just about life, but also about the value of having a mentor.

Being on both sides of mentorship has shaped my career, so I know that these kinds of relationships are very different than one might have with a father, friend, or colleague. There’s a different kind of work involved. Over the years, I’ve learned a few things about what makes a good mentor, both from mentors of my own and being one myself in a professional setting. If you’re interested in mentorship, here’s what I think makes a good mentor:

Setting boundaries is key. In a professional context, maintaining roles and status in the mentor-mentee relationship matters. It might seem superficial, but for both of you to get the most out of the relationship it’s important that you set boundaries. Your mentee needs to know that time is valuable, so they shouldn’t waste it with trivial concerns or problems they should be able to solve on their own. Furthermore, there should be clarity about what the two of you discuss. Setting these sorts of boundaries is necessary to remove noise from the relationship and ensure that things are always pointed in the right direction.

Don’t be afraid to challenge your mentee.

The relationship is ultimately about growth. If you’re tracking their progress and feel like they are ready, challenge your mentee. Not arbitrarily. Give them meaningful work that stretches what they think their abilities are. We learn the most when someone sees greatness in ourselves that we don’t yet see.. As a mentor, you can both push your mentee outside their comfort zone but also be there when the assignment is over to teach and offer feedback.

Seek understanding. For mentorship to really work, it has to be a two-way street. Many people approach mentorship with the idea that they are just a conduit for wisdom and lived experience. They pontificate, thinking that imparting their knowledge is the whole of the mentor’s duty. What their all-fortunate mentee does with the information is irrelevant. That’s never going to be true. A mentor needs to be sincerely interested in the career and development of their mentee. Seeking understanding is a strong way to display this commitment. When your mentee approaches you with a problem, don’t just launch into canned solutions you think they need to hear. Instead, seek understanding of what it is they’re going through and why they are experiencing this problem. There is almost always an underlying circumstance that can more deeply inform the advice you offer.

Be an advocate for them. Let’s be clear about the endgame of a professional mentorship: to help your mentee develop and advance in their career. That’s why getting it right in your role as mentor is so important. Eventually, there will come a time when you are asked to advocate for them. If your tutelage was well received, there should be no hesitation—you should be thrilled to be a zealous advocate for your mentee, whether they are seeking a promotion, pursuing a new role at a different firm or company or pitching that big client or investor as an entrepreneur. Your endorsement will matter more than nearly anyone else’s. Be willing to use your reputation and influence on their behalf if they deserve it.

Mentorship has resulted in some of the most meaningful and impactful relationships in my life. I speak from experience when I say it’s a truly rewarding endeavor, but only with the right approach. This week we covered how to be the best mentor. Next week’s blog will discuss how mentees can best approach mentorship. In the meantime, check out some of the mentors who shaped my life and career: https://www.coreykupfer.com/resources/

Corey Kupfer is an expert strategist, negotiator and dealmaker. He has more than 35 years of professional deal-making and negotiating experience. Corey is a successful entrepreneur, attorney, consultant, author and professional speaker who is passionate about deal-driven growth. He is also the creator and host of the DealQuest Podcast.

If you want to find out how deal-ready you are, take the Deal- Ready Assessment today!