Author: coreykupfer

What started Lenny, Gina, and I on our CPR quest was that Lenny’s present Context was going to be a huge impediment to a successful negotiation. And to this point, we still hadn’t redefined their Context, but we were able to establish for them a concrete Purpose that can be a North star of sorts for their negotiation. What Lenny and Gina decided they wanted was to get their freedom back—to conduct business on their terms, to bring their clients with them, and to move on completely. With this in heart and mind, we were able to start formulating a Context that could help Gina and Lenny achieve their Purpose.

First, I reviewed with them exactly how their Purpose should be used to their advantage in negotiations. I warned them, “You need to be prepared to react to what they’re going to throw at you.” Negotiations like this always run high with emotion, and Lenny and Gina were particularly susceptible, given their situation. This is where an empowering Purpose plays a huge role. It helps us slow down and give measured responses. If they felt themselves getting triggered, I advised Lenny and Gina to step back and ask themselves, “Will my reaction, will the next thing I say or do, move me closer to or further away from getting our freedom back?” Once you decide whether your response will or won’t move you closer to your Purpose, the correct response becomes self-evident.

That’s why it’s so vital to always keep your Purpose at the forefront of your mind. It keeps you grounded and prevents you from acting in emotional ways that compromise your position.

Having gained this understanding, I began the conversation of framing Lenny and Gina’s Context—how we need to behave, who we need to be to achieve of Purpose—with them. Lenny’s, and to a lesser extent Gina’s Context was negative to the point of poisoning their negotiations. A way forward through talks was unfeasible. So, what did their new Context need to be so that Lenny and Gina could reclaim their total freedom?

First, they decided that in light of their recent spurts of anger, remaining calm was necessary. Staying centered and not reactive would empower them to stay true to their Purpose. Add calm to their Context. They also concluded that impatience was a severe roadblock for them. They had reached a tense and tumultuous end with this other company that both Lenny and Gina (especially Gina) could not wait for this business relationship to end. But, without any hard-stop deadline, impatience on the part of Lenny and Gina could only result in desperate decisions and possibly destructive compromises in negotiations. Patience was added to their Context. Another—and perhaps the most serious—impediment to getting a deal done in Lenny and Gina’s favor was an unwillingness to work with the other side, such was the depth of their disdain for this other company’s key executives. They reluctantly added being collaborative to their Context. Without some give and take and a willingness to engage the other side, a good deal would never get done. It was important that Gina and Lenny be collaborative. Still, there was one key piece of their context still missing.

Calm, patience, collaborative is a strong—some might say complete—Context. But, Gina and Lenny felt they needed something more, though it took them a while to find the right word. They knew their opponents were tough, shrewd negotiators who wouldn’t just give in to all of their demands because Lenny and Gina were principled negotiators. By now, following through with my CPR framework was important to Lenny and Gina. They had an idea of what they were trying to communicate, but because they were committed to an Authentic Negotiating approach, negative Contexts wouldn’t work. “Beat the crap out of them” was definitely off the table. Even “strong, aggressive and assertive” felt too reactive. Eventually they landed on “firm,” and that’s when they stopped, “That’s it!” Lenny and Gina had reached their CPR eureka moment.

Their Context was complete: firm, calm, patient, and collaborative. A powerful formulation of ideas that were rightly-fixed on achieving their Purpose, first and foremost. And most importantly, this is a Context of Gina and Lenny’s design, it’s something that they own, and principles that they are close to. That four-word Context spoke to them. It was something that they were excited about. It was something they could reconnect to in the tough times of negotiation.

There’s a reason the word “work” comes up a lot when I talk about Authentic Negotiating. It’s because the inner-work and personal development should be ongoing, always. I’m still finding new ways to hone my CDE skills and different approaches to apply it to my CPR framework. If you’re ready to start the work of becoming and Authentic Negotiator, take my Authentic Negotiating Success Quiz to see what lies ahead.

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Corey Kupfer is an expert strategist, negotiator and dealmaker. He has more than 35 years of professional deal-making and negotiating experience. Corey is a successful entrepreneur, attorney, consultant, author and professional speaker who is passionate about deal-driven growth. He is also the creator and host of the DealQuest Podcast.

If you want to find out how deal-ready you are, take the Deal- Ready Assessment today!

When practicing authentic negotiation, the final two inauthentic negotiation techniques that we will discuss in this blog series are The Quivering Quill and Limited Authority.

The Quivering Quill

The quivering quill tactic appears in a negotiation when, at the last minute, there is a request for a concession.

Here’s how it works: You have gone through the negotiation process, you think everything has been covered and agreed upon, and it is time to sign off on the deal. You’re in the closing room together, and you may literally have the pen in your hand ready to sign the agreement, when suddenly the other side says, “Hey, before we close this deal, there’s one other thing we need” or “We will not sign unless . . .”

Very often, the quivering quill puts the other party in a tight spot because they have a lot invested and are coming into the closing with the assumption that this deal is, for all intents and purposes, already done. The other party might be badly embarrassed or worse, should it all suddenly go south.

If someone tries to run the Quivering Quill on you, instead of getting thrown off by this ploy, calmly evaluate whether this last-minute concession would have been acceptable if it had been asked for earlier. Keep in mind that, while for some this might be an inauthentic ploy, in some cultures it is a regular practice and will not seem as inauthentic.

If the answer is no, decline to agree to the new term. Calmly let the other party know that if they want to close the deal, then they need to withdraw their last-minute request

Alternatively, if you determine that the new point is one to which you would have agreed had it been presented to you earlier, then you know you can agree to it now. That does not mean that you will, but you know you have options. You can agree so you get the deal done; you can ask for a concession in exchange; and you can decide not to agree because the request came so late or because you don’t want to establish a pattern of agreeing to last-minute concessions, especially in an ongoing relationship.

Limited Authority

In a negotiation, limited authority is when the person you’re negotiating with claims they have to check with someone that possesses more authority.

For example, they may stop talking in the middle of the conversation, saying they must speak with someone above them in order to get authority to make the concession you’ve requested.

This does a number of things:

1. It can shake your certainty that the request you’ve made is a legitimate one.
2. It delays the agreement, putting pressure on you to speed things up, possibly by waiving your request.
3. It brings in the specter of greater powers outside of the room who are actually running the negotiation—powers you can’t see or know.
4. Even worse, in some cases, it is not true—it is just being used as a false tactic.

How can you respond to the limited authority ploy? There are some who recommend asking up front whether the person has authority to do the deal.

Although this may be appropriate in certain circumstances, this is often not the best way to go, because even if the person you are talking to does not have ultimate authority, they are likely to have some influence and may serve as a gatekeeper. If you insult them or make them feel unimportant, you may never get to the person with the authority.

Doing your preparation work will help you understand who has authority. Know in advance what the organizational structure of the company across the table is, try to determine who have been the key players in prior similar business deals, and ask up front who will be in the room with you, working out the deal.

Understanding the various inauthentic negotiation techniques that others may use is key to preparing yourself for responding and handling the situation in your most authentic way. For more information, check out my book Authentic Negotiation and learn how I can help your team be their most authentic selves.

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Corey Kupfer is an expert strategist, negotiator and dealmaker. He has more than 35 years of professional deal-making and negotiating experience. Corey is a successful entrepreneur, attorney, consultant, author and professional speaker who is passionate about deal-driven growth. He is also the creator and host of the DealQuest Podcast.

If you want to find out how deal-ready you are, take the Deal- Ready Assessment today!

Inauthentic negotiating techniques are best to be avoided for many reasons. But, it is likely that you will wind up in negotiations where the other side uses one of these tactics. To be an effective and successful negotiator, you must know how to recognize and respond to these inauthentic negotiating techniques.

In my previous post, I shared the Empty Promise and the Big Fish. Let’s look at the next common tactic, Nibbling.

Nibbling

In negotiations, it’s appropriate to put the areas or categories of what will be discussed in the negotiation on the table up front because no one term can be negotiated in a vacuum.

Perhaps you have heard the saying, “Name a price and I’ll give you a structure. Name a structure and I’ll give you a price.” Whether you negotiate a price of $1 million or $1.2 million, it makes a big difference as to whether it’s being paid out up front or over ten years, for example.

All of the major terms should be on the table, even if there’s room to negotiate in each of them.

Nibbling is when people share their comments, go through a negotiation that appears to be getting close to figuring out the issues, and then they say, “You know what, I have these three other concerns I haven’t mentioned before.” The next time you get on the phone with them or you sit down with them, they bring up another two points that they hadn’t previously put on the table.

You’ve already negotiated your position in the first round or two based on what you thought was the whole list of issues, so you gave in on this in exchange for that, etc., and now all of the sudden you must factor in all of these new issues.

Had you known about those previously undisclosed issues up front—that they were going to ask you for these additional three or four things—then you wouldn’t have agreed to make certain concessions in the first couple of rounds.

One sometimes-effective way to counter the nibbling technique is the “Nibble Back” tactic. If they ask you for three concessions, ask them for three concessions. Some people simply counter this with anger or bluster.

Depending on the circumstances, another approach would be the “Appeal to a Higher Authority” tactic. It depends on who’s asking for the concession, but if it’s somebody who works for a firm, you can say, “I want to speak to your boss because this is unethical; I’m going to go above your head.”

I don’t recommend either of these techniques.

So, how do you effectively handle people who are nibbling? The first time they come back and add additional requests, my recommendation is to point out that these are new terms and that your prior agreements will need to be reevaluated in light of them.

Next, ask whether these are the final additional items. Make it clear that if there are any others,
they should let you know now, as you are not willing to negotiate piecemeal, because you need to consider the deal as a whole to be able to evaluate it properly. They key is to do this calmly from a centered place and not from a place of upset or anger.

Confirm to them that you have set forth all of your requests so that you model the behavior and are in integrity in requiring the same from them.

Finally, objectively analyze the additional requests and determine whether they are acceptable or not, and what, if anything, you agreed to previously might need to be reevaluated in light of their new demands.

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Corey Kupfer is an expert strategist, negotiator and dealmaker. He has more than 35 years of professional deal-making and negotiating experience. Corey is a successful entrepreneur, attorney, consultant, author and professional speaker who is passionate about deal-driven growth. He is also the creator and host of the DealQuest Podcast.

If you want to find out how deal-ready you are, take the Deal- Ready Assessment today!

When negotiating, many use inauthentic tactics and techniques to disarm, mislead, get leverage over, or scare opponents. It’s important to know what they are and how to deal with them.

Two commonly used inauthentic negotiating techniques are the Empty Promise and the Big Fish. Let’s talk about what they are, how they work, and how to respond when you see one in action.

The Empty Promise

In a negotiation, it’s not uncommon for someone to make an empty promise. An empty promise is when a negotiator makes an agreement and/or gives a promise they do not intend to keep, just to win a bid or try to induce you into doing a deal.

The negotiator may offer up a higher number than other bidders, or offer their project or service for less. For example, “We will pay you x dollars, if you agree to this.”

All the while, the negotiator knows what they’re offering is an empty promise. They never were willing to pay what they promised up front or keep their end of the agreement.

Ultimately, the inauthentic negotiator does something to reduce the price or increase the fee, and blames it on some other factor. They don’t keep the promise because it was empty all along.

So, what do you do in that circumstance? The first thing you don’t do is get upset, make accusations, or let this tactic throw you off.

If you calmly say that the change doesn’t work for you and ask them to reconsider the change, you will be surprised how many times they will back down. They may test you and try to trigger you first by insisting the circumstances have changed, but, if you don’t take the bait, it will be on them to either cave or lose the deal.

The Big Fish

The Big Fish negotiation tactic shows up when one party is much larger and/or more powerful than the other and the more powerful party presumes it can intimidate the smaller one.

For example, an innovative entrepreneurial company comes up with a new, disruptive product that has potential to change a marketplace. They become an attractive acquisition target for the bigger companies who don’t innovate as quickly.

A Big Fish will often make an offer and, if the smaller company is not receptive, the unspoken (and sometimes spoken) message is, “Hey listen, either you do the deal with us or we’ll put you out of business. You should be happy that we’re willing to buy you because we’re a multibillion-dollar company and you’re not.”

This scenario can play out on a smaller scale too, as long as there is a significant relative size difference between the two parties. No matter the circumstance, the gist of the message is always the same: “If you don’t sell to us, we’ll develop this on our own or we’ll buy someone else, and we’ll make it our business to crush you.”

This technique can backfire. For this example, the founders could have turned down the Big Fish and, over time, done a lot better. That’s not always the way it shakes out, of course.

There is a much more effective approach than getting triggered or afraid. Even the small fish has leverage in that they can walk away from the deal if it doesn’t meet criteria. You would not be at the table at all if you didn’t have some leverage. Additionally, this bullying should not affect you emotionally, and you can calmly explain why the Big Fish is better off in an agreement with you than with someone else. If you have done the work to get clarity first on what will work for you and what won’t on every deal term, you will be in a much better position to make your case but be detached to the outcome – which will make you more attractive to the Big Fish.

Take my assessment to find out if your authentic negotiation skills have prepared you for how to handle these techniques.

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Corey Kupfer is an expert strategist, negotiator and dealmaker. He has more than 35 years of professional deal-making and negotiating experience. Corey is a successful entrepreneur, attorney, consultant, author and professional speaker who is passionate about deal-driven growth. He is also the creator and host of the DealQuest Podcast.

If you want to find out how deal-ready you are, take the Deal- Ready Assessment today!

Negotiation is traditionally approached as a set of techniques, tactics, and frameworks. Most courses teach negotiation as a skill. And while there is an element of skill involved, great negotiation is built on something much deeper than a set of skills.

Your state of being, who you are when you come into the room, is crucial to a successful negotiation. Before refining tactics and techniques, it’s important to first study the deeper qualities of successful negotiators and what they have in common.

The Best Negotiators

Focusing on state of being before a set of skills is a different way of looking at negotiating. It is this hard work that makes the real difference in negotiating success.

There are three key mindsets that characterize the best negotiators:

1. Clarity
2. Detachment
3. Equilibrium

1. Clarity

Great negotiators have clarity.

Clarity is a sense of being that requires a level of self-knowledge, a connection to inner truth, and a willingness to delve deep. Many are not willing to make the effort to access these. Instead, most go into negotiations without doing the hard work.

Make the effort and do the hard work by first understanding how to obtain total clarity. Before a negotiation, become crystal clear on the following objectives:

The outcome(s) you are seeking
What your true bottom line is
The set of circumstances that will make or break a deal
Ask yourself what outcomes you’re seeking, what your true bottom line is, and your deal breakers. The answers to these questions will provide the clarity needed.

2. Detachment

When entering into a negotiation, your preference should be that you get the deal done. Why else would you be in that negotiation? However, in the end, your state of being needs to be detached from the outcome.

If you are able to achieve the three objectives determined in clarity, do the deal. If not, don’t. It’s that simple. You must trust that another, better deal will come along or that this one was simply not meant to be. Great negotiators are always willing to walk away—not from a place of anger or ego but from a place of detachment.

3. Equilibrium

Finally, negotiators must maintain equilibrium in their state of being during the entire negotiation to be successful.

Maintaining equilibrium means staying centered, calm, and clear. Not getting thrown off by the tactics, techniques, emotions of the other side, or your own emotions is crucial.

Yes, external preparation is needed for negotiation, but this internal work is significant and often overlooked. Doing the hard work to master a state of being and mindset of clarity, detachment, and equilibrium is not a small undertaking. And, although most would acknowledge the value, few people achieve it in their negotiations because they are not willing to do what it takes.

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Corey Kupfer is an expert strategist, negotiator and dealmaker. He has more than 35 years of professional deal-making and negotiating experience. Corey is a successful entrepreneur, attorney, consultant, author and professional speaker who is passionate about deal-driven growth. He is also the creator and host of the DealQuest Podcast.

If you want to find out how deal-ready you are, take the Deal- Ready Assessment today!

Integrity is often defined as doing the right thing at all times and in all circumstances, whether or not anyone else is watching. Integrity speaks directly to who you are. Integrity is the measure of your character. Integrity is not just measured, though, by some external code or morality but, even more importantly, by the compass of your internal truth.

The noise around us says we must compromise our values and integrity to secure the outcomes we desire. This cannot be further from the truth and, success may come and go, but integrity is forever.

Using any kind of dishonest tactics or manipulative techniques when negotiating shows a lack of integrity. Disingenuity and not operating from a place of integrity will eventually come back to haunt you. Building a reputation of integrity takes time; you will need to work to protect that reputation.

BE HONEST WITH OTHERS

One of the behaviors we most commonly think of when talking about integrity is honesty, or a lack thereof, with others. If anybody finds out that you haven’t been honest, it will kill your credibility. Not being honest can cause others to distrust everything else you’ve said.

BE HONEST WITH YOURSELF

Another less-often examined form of integrity, though, is honesty with self. A lack of or alignment with your inner truth results in serious internal and external challenges.

If you lack integrity with yourself, and cannot hold to your internal values, you will experience a kind of internal conflict. You won’t feel right and others are likely to sense it through the energy you give off. As others feel your internal conflict, it will negatively impact the whole interaction.

There are numerous examples of this, and, almost always, the common indicator is that someone ignored or let logic override a gut feeling. Some internal signal came up during the negotiating process, and it was dismissed.

For example, deep down, you may not particularly want to do something. But still you’re moving forward because of pressure from family others or “it’s what you think you should do.”

The person across from you can sense if you’re being disingenuous. They may not know exactly what’s going on, but they will sense that something’s off. This sense could put off a negotiation.

Always engage and hold to your internal values and moral compass during a negotiation and, for that matter, in everything you do if you want true negotiating success and to live an authentic life.

Is it worth risking your credibility, reputation, self-respect and peace of mind? If you’re wavering, take a moment to consider just how much you’re worth without those things.

On the other hand, when you have integrity with yourself, the other side senses your alignment and becomes less likely to challenge or question your resolve. They will also be more likely to show greater authenticity.

As you consider the reasons why negotiations fail, which I have discussed in this and my previous blogs, you may observe that I haven’t mentioned anything about failure caused by not being sufficiently trained in negotiation techniques. Many people fail at negotiating because they do not do the hard work to reach the level of clarity and confidence needed negotiate without conflicted emotions, without being rigid, or letting their ego take over. Not because they lack negotiation strategies and tactics.

Before you begin to ask, “How am I going to approach this?” look inside yourself and pay attention to who is showing up to the negotiation. If it’s the fearful, unprepared person who comes from a place of insecurity, whatever strategy, tactics, or techniques you try are not going to work. Who you are in the negotiation is the foundation of the negotiation. If you are willing to do the work necessary and avoid the top six reasons for negotiation failure, all of which are further detailed in my book Authentic Negotiating, your chances of negotiating success will increase exponentially.

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Corey Kupfer is an expert strategist, negotiator and dealmaker. He has more than 35 years of professional deal-making and negotiating experience. Corey is a successful entrepreneur, attorney, consultant, author and professional speaker who is passionate about deal-driven growth. He is also the creator and host of the DealQuest Podcast.

If you want to find out how deal-ready you are, take the Deal- Ready Assessment today!

Negotiation is a key skill from which we often shy away from, but which significantly impacts our ability to achieve other goals. Negotiation is a key part of life. Yet, many never master the art of negotiation because of the many internal factors that could be sabotaging them.

One reason why negotiations fail is getting emotional and losing objectivity. There are so many situations in which your emotions can push you away from your ability to look at things objectively. Sometimes, it comes from being triggered by something someone says or does (their approach). And, sometimes, there are some people whose personalities are highly emotional and reactive.

BEING CONTROLLED BY YOUR EMOTIONS IS NEGOTIATION DEATH

Whether emotion shows up as anger, upset, frustration, or a number of other emotions, it will not serve you – even if the other person is acting like a jerk.

Refusal to be triggered by the other person, whether they acted intentionally or unintentionally, gives you a tremendous advantage and can throw them off. While having an emotional reaction can hurt you. A lot of people make negotiation personal, making it hard to step back from the emotions a simple statement of fact might trigger. Regardless of that other person’s intent, even if they meant to be offensive, getting upset about it will put you off your game.

If somebody says something over the line, rather than getting upset, ask clarifying questions:

• “Well, did you mean—?”
• “Why is that so important?”
• “Do you really believe that’s true?”
• “Tell me more about why you think that?”

These questions can help you properly understand what the other person meant to say. If they meant harm, you can make a decision on whether or not to move forward. If you determine they didn’t mean harm, you can avoid having your original interpretation of what you think they meant derail the negotiation.

FALLING IN LOVE WITH A DEAL

Another emotional problem in negotiation is falling in love with a deal. Falling in love with a deal can push you into making concessions you should not make. You may agree to overlook things, or you bury issues that you should have examined more objectively.

You may unintentionally let yourself get so invested—in terms of time, money, and energy expended in making the deal work, you can no longer walk away.

Or, you have become emotionally attached to a particular happy outcome. You start envisioning it. You start seeing it. You start tasting it.

No matter how it happens, falling in love with a deal can destroy your negotiation.

FRUSTRATION CAN PUSH YOU IN THE WRONG DIRECTION

Another way emotions get in the way of negotiation is through frustration. One of the most common ways frustration plays out is when the process isn’t moving fast enough for you. Your natural response may be to push the timing, putting the other person off.

Or, you may feel that the other side is being unreasonable. Instead of looking for new approaches or to calmly hold firm, you get frustrated and throw up your hands. Frustration closes down creativity and thinking. Frustration is a form of self-sabotage and can come from emotional attachments you’re not even fully aware of. Take a deeper look. Why get frustrated? If you can accept that things won’t always get done on your terms, and that’s okay, you will be a much more successful negotiator. It takes trust and an understanding that you may not be meant to do a deal at this time with this person.

Do the hard internal work before negotiating to prevent your emotions from controlling you and pushing you in the wrong direction.

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Corey Kupfer is an expert strategist, negotiator and dealmaker. He has more than 35 years of professional deal-making and negotiating experience. Corey is a successful entrepreneur, attorney, consultant, author and professional speaker who is passionate about deal-driven growth. He is also the creator and host of the DealQuest Podcast.

If you want to find out how deal-ready you are, take the Deal- Ready Assessment today!

Ego-based negotiations are sometimes driven by insecurity. And that insecurity can wreck your chances of negotiating success.

In my last post, we defined ego. Ego is simply how you view your own self. Having a high sense of ego puts people off, comes across as inauthentic, and allows the other side to control and manipulate you.
The primary indicators of ego are pride, wanting to be liked, and talking too much. We already look at how pride can distort your perspective or cause you to be deceptive, killing your credibility and throwing off the negotiation.

Now, let’s observe how wanting to be liked and talking too much stem from that more insecure part of your ego and can damage your negotiation power.

Insecurity Causes Concessions

Sometimes ego can show up in a way that resembles weakness. Our ego wants us to be liked and approved of by other people. We may give too many concessions because we don’t want to look bad in front of others.

When wanting to be liked drives you, you may end up with deals that are not good or even harmful. If the other side senses that need to be liked or that you are insecure, they can use that against you.

My client is a perfect example. She was a graphic designer who had the opportunity to design something for a music star she was a huge fan of. My client wanted this celebrity to like her, so she did twice the amount of work while negotiating her fee down by half, all without a written contract. In the end, the celebrity did not pay any of the reduced fees, and my client did not receive the recognition she wanted.

Seeking the approval of others can cause you to not fully think through a negotiation. As opposed to being confident and strong enough in yourself to say, “I need more time to think about that. Why don’t we hold off on that point and let me get back to you?” or, “Let me step out of the room. I need to check this with somebody,” your ego says, “You’re going to look bad here, you don’t want them to think you’re stupid.”

This ego-induced insecurity triggers a feeling of needing to look good, be liked, or not seem stupid. But, a negotiation is not the place to work out your issues over being rejected or about anger or hurt from your past.

The Dangers of Talking too Much

Sometimes people who are ego-driven simply like to hear themselves talk. They may think they are smarter than everybody in the room. Sometimes they are talking too much due to nerves or insecurity.

Either way, there are several ways talking too much can destroy your negotiations. Talking can give away too much information, inhibit listening, and take away the power of silence.

The more you talk, the more information you are giving away. A good negotiator on the other side will take all of the information in.

Correspondingly, the more you talk, the more you are not able to listen. Have you ever formulated your next brilliant remark while the other person is talking, and end up barely listening? The problem is, if you do not to listen, watch, or pay attention to the other side, you can miss the opportunity to gather advantageous information.

Talking too much out of ego also takes away the power of silence. Silence can give you a huge advantage. Most people are uncomfortable in silence, but if you are willing and able to be silent, it is a great negotiating tool. Instead of giving things away because you can’t deal with the silence, you can hold the power, particularly if the person isn’t comfortable with it.

If you want to substantially increase your negotiating success, do the internal work to let go of your ego and the past issues that trigger it, or at least be able to put them aside for the purposes of the negotiation.

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Corey Kupfer is an expert strategist, negotiator and dealmaker. He has more than 35 years of professional deal-making and negotiating experience. Corey is a successful entrepreneur, attorney, consultant, author and professional speaker who is passionate about deal-driven growth. He is also the creator and host of the DealQuest Podcast.

If you want to find out how deal-ready you are, take the Deal- Ready Assessment today!

Negotiation is so common you may not even recognize when you’re doing it.

You negotiate virtually every day of your life, in both personal and professional settings. Even though negotiation may be second-nature, you could be unintentionally sabotaging yourself when negotiating. A subconscious negotiation-killer that many must deliberately fight is ego.

Ego is simply how you view your own self. Typically, ego is used to describe a level of selfishness and feeling of superiority in relation to others. A person who thinks of his or herself all the time has a larger ego than a person who is concerned about others as well.

There are so many situations in which I’ve seen ego wreck a negotiator’s skill. Ego tells you that your reputation is somehow on the line. Ego puts people off, comes across as inauthentic, and allows the other side to control and manipulate you.

The primary indicators of ego are pride, wanting to be liked, and talking too much. I’ve seen far too many instances in which the negotiator blows the deal because of ego—literally walks out of the room or digs in and gets obstinate.

PRIDE DISTORTS & DECEIVES

Pride is a feeling of satisfaction and worth based on one’s achievements and qualities. And, in negotiation, pride is just another way in which people can get triggered and thrown off.

Pride can kill your negotiation in two different ways: by distorting your perspective or causing you to be deceptive, without you even knowing.

First, if the other side says something that triggers your pride, it can swiftly derail you emotionally. You may feel anger, frustration, or hurt. When your pride is hurt, you’re likely to veer off center and lose perspective. This results in negotiating from a weakened position.

Here’s a classic example. The founder of a company, who built his company from scratch and has been running it for twenty-five years, decides that it is time for him to sell it. He wants $10 million for the company. A potential buyer approaches him and says, “Listen, the company is not worth $10 million. It’s worth $8 million because your computer systems are outdated, your logo and marketing have to be updated, and your competitors have evolved more quickly in the new marketplace.”

The owner’s pride is hurt. This is his baby. He built it. How does he react? With anger because his pride is wounded. “How can he tell me that it’s not worth my asking price? That guy doesn’t know what he’s talking about!” The owner is not viewing the situation objectively. Granted, the other side might be saying that as a tactic, but it could be accurate.

In the case of a sale of a business, founders often have an inflated view of the value of their firm because they are looking at what they put into it over twenty-five years, and building it was their life. But, of course, buyers don’t look at it that way. The question from their point of view is, what’s the market value of the company? The value of the company has nothing to do with whether you built it in twenty-five years or five years, or worked eighty hours a week or forty hours a week—but the owner doesn’t want to hear that.

The second way pride can wreck a negotiation is if pride makes you unable to admit that you don’t have a piece of information you need. People who can’t admit to what they don’t know are afraid that, if they admit they’re unsure, it will make them look bad or lose credibility.

But, not admitting a lack of knowledge can undermine your credibility just as badly. If pride tempts you to bluff your way through a negotiation, and the other side finds out, they may no longer trust you to tell the truth and wonder what else you might be misrepresenting.

In my next post, we will address how wanting to be liked and talking too much can also be caused by ego, and can damage your negotiation power.

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Corey Kupfer is an expert strategist, negotiator and dealmaker. He has more than 35 years of professional deal-making and negotiating experience. Corey is a successful entrepreneur, attorney, consultant, author and professional speaker who is passionate about deal-driven growth. He is also the creator and host of the DealQuest Podcast.

If you want to find out how deal-ready you are, take the Deal- Ready Assessment today!

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My article at Recruiter explains why negotiating is vital for HR professionals. They use negotiation skills to work to resolve employee disputes, negotiating compensation and benefits, among other needed tasks.

HR professionals should apply the core framework for authentic negotiating: Clarity, Detachment and Equilibrium for their own negotiating needs, as well as train employees in better ways to achieve success. Try this:

• Ask employees during training to think of what they do personally when they want to clear their heads and relax. It might be exercise, meditation, prayer, contemplation, deep breathing, taking a walk, listening to music, reading, getting a pep talk from a trusted colleague, or any number of other personal techniques. Encourage employees to use their techniques before starting a negotiation and between sessions of a negotiation. Let them know it is okay for them to even call a break in a session to engage in their preferred grounding practice, if necessary.

Read the rest of my article and tips at Recruiter.

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Corey Kupfer is an expert strategist, negotiator and dealmaker. He has more than 35 years of professional deal-making and negotiating experience. Corey is a successful entrepreneur, attorney, consultant, author and professional speaker who is passionate about deal-driven growth. He is also the creator and host of the DealQuest Podcast.

If you want to find out how deal-ready you are, take the Deal- Ready Assessment today!

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